Legolas' Diary 2001
by way2beme
Summary: This is after the fellowship and is set during our times. PG13 just to be safe. R&R Please!
1. Legolas Diary

Diary of Legolas Greenleaf  
  
Tuesday, 13 January-10:12 P.M.  
Gah! Borrowed printer from Frodo for business report, but as am inexperienced in extreme wiring, had to call him. Conversation went as following:  
Frodo: Hello? Legolas! How are you?  
Me: Yes, hi. Erm, your printer, does it have an...... instruction guide?  
Frodo: Yes, but I threw it away.  
Me: WHAT?!?  
Frodo: It seemed self-explanatory.  
Me: Yes, well, I am apparently stupid then. Does the flat square- like cable go in the blue-ish socket thing or the square-er-ish gold-like one?  
Frodo: What? Let me come over and hook it up for you.  
Me: I feel stupid.  
Frodo: I could see that.  
Me : What's that supposed to mean?  
Frodo: Be right over.  
*click*  
  
I really do wonder what he meant by that. Must force it out of him, even if it means holding him at arrow point. (Is that grammatically correct?) No matter, must make list of things to do. Never made resolutions so will make them now.  
  
The New Years Resolutions of Legolas Greenleaf!  
  
Stop pestering Pippin to about paying me back from the other night when I paid for his movie ticket. (We saw the new Jackie Chan movie. I was personally unimpressed with the karate performed by his side-kick. Was v. inexperienced. Merry found her wonderful. Figures, as he's Merry. ) Get to work on time, for ONCE! My co-workers are so used to me being late, they have a cup of coffee in the microwave for me to warm up when I get there. Get my friends good Christmas gifts this year. No more $10 gift certificates to Blockbuster. Do laundry. 'Nuff said. Find  
  
11:32  
Sorry, Frodo arrived in middle of list. I can't remember what I wanted to find, so never mind. Finally, printer is working. I am v. pissed right now. Frodo connected 4 or so cables and, of course, it beeped, and lit up. I feel stupid now. Must take a course or SOMETHING in order to figure out how to hook things up to my laptop without bringing people from across the city to my apartment just to connect 4 or so cables.  
  
11:33  
You know, last year, when Aragorn got his new VCR I hooked it up. He called me and said "Want to try out my new Video thing?" Of course, I went. So anyway, I went and he had me hook it up while he checked the T.V.Guide (not that he was incapable of doing it himself, but he was just being lazy). And I must say, I did a good job. Only had to consult the guide once(see Frodo? Aragorn keeps his booklets). There must be a difference between VCRs and printers.  
  
Wednesday, 14 January- 2:18 P.M.  
Stupid Arwen! Of course SHE would remind me of my 5th resolution: Find a she-elf. Everytime! No matter what I do the first thing she says in her stupid voice "How's your lovelife? Still single, Eh?" Ugh! Makes me want to absolutely chase her with my double knives! Technically, I am not living alone, I mean, if count my neurotic cat, Yum-Yum. But if you were to mean I am without a companion, then yes, I am single. But REALLY! Wonder sometimes what Aragorn sees in her, must be something in the water.  
  
3:02  
Was once again late for work. Didn't mention earlier because was so ticked at Arwen. Sure enough, there was coffee in the mini-microwave near the water cooler. Really hate that water cooler, when you get something to drink everyone knows, because of the loud noise in emits when you use it. It really sounds like an Orcs war cry. It's so old, and we probably won't get a new one anytime soon, as everyone there is too cheap to buy a replacement. Anyway, Tasha saw me come in and notified me of a meeting around 4:00. I hate business meetings, but if I must. In fact, if I did not go to these meetings, I may send someone to jail, as am a lawyer. Ugh, must go need to review case before meeting. But first let me say I WILL find a way to tick Arwen off. So long!  
  
5:48  
Have memorized three Grateful Dead songs due to constant blaring of music from above. I really need to find a different apartment. I could afford a house, but as am not living w/ a room-mate a house would be to large for me. Maybe could move in with Aragorn? But then there is the question of Arwen asking me about my life. Frodo? No, then would wake up every morning to songs about kings long past. Gandalf? Too old, and besides, he's devoted his life to making the children in his neighborhood see him as a old geiser who is morally insane. Must be entertaining, as he's been doing it since the 1960's. Sam, Merry, or Pippin? No, 'nuff said. Gimli is out of question, as I FEAR Mrs. Gimli. She v. menacing. Oh well, I will just continue to be alone, forever, and ever, and ever, and... oh, never mind. 


	2. The Printers Cometh

Hey everybody, sorry it took me so long to update, I've been really busy.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own The Lord of the Rings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Thursday, 15 January-5:07 p.m.  
Took online test called "Which Lord of the Rings character are YOU?" And I thought 'Well, won't thins be interesting.' Well, I took it and I was Aragorn. This did not make sense. I then took it again. Aragorn. I then used every fiber of my being to yell obscenities at my computer monitor. Once again, I took the blasted test. Gimli. More obscenities. I  
  
7:09 Sorry, Aragorn came over unexpected.  
"Legolas! I found something that will really make your day."  
"Well, what is it."  
"Well, I know how you borrowed Frodo's printer once or twice," this is where I begin to get worried. "And I found this one" Oh God "in a second hand store for a very good price." Noooooo!  
"......"  
"Well, I thought that now you don't need to use Frodo's anymore."  
"......"  
"I could hook it up for you."  
"Okay."  
"Right then. I'll go do that."  
Finally, I snap out of it, and say "Gee, thanks Aragorn. Do you want me to pay you for it?"  
"Of course not. Think of it as a gift." Great, just great.  
  
Am still in shock of the irony of it all. I mean I take a test that says I am Aragorn, then Aragorn shows up and gives me this...thing that I am almost... I don't know. I think I need to get in some target practice. I wonder where Gimli is, as I want him as a target.  
  
Sorry for the insanely short chapter. I am having writers block. Feel free to R&R. I am ever awaiting your reviews. Once again sorry for the short (and most likely not very good) chapter. 


	3. Arwen's WHAT?

Friday 16 January  
  
Well, I guess that's it then. Surprised all of us really. If you've never seen Aragorn go into a panic attack you should. It's very hilarious. Anyway, Arwen wasn't feeling too good so she had to visit the hospital. And wouldn't you know it, Aragorn's car broke down and guess who got to drive them. Me. Anyway, we got there and they did some tests. You will never guess what happened. To put it bluntly, Arwen is going to have a Little Arwen. Yes, and Aragorn had a panic attack. He's being watched over night. I need to drive Arwen home now. But first, think how irritable Arwen will be now. I wonder why he married her she's so irritable. 


	4. Poor Aragorn

Tuesday 13 April (I know, I haven't written in months!)  
  
Remember how I asked you to imagine how irritable Arwen would be not that she's pregnant? Well, I have found a perfect example. Last night Aragorn called me and he sounded extremely scared. Honestly, I felt sorry for him. Here's our phone conversation:  
  
Aragorn: Legolas! Save me! Arwen is unbearable! I can't go on like this for five more months!  
  
Me: Erm. Well.........what do you want me to do?  
  
Aragorn: ANYTHING!  
  
Me: Um.....  
  
Aragorn: Okay, here's something. Can you go out and get...oh...say about 4 bottles of aspirin?  
  
Me: Four bottles?!? Surly, she can't be that bad!  
  
Aragorn: Look, I-  
  
Arwen in background: Aragorn! I need you!  
  
Aragorn: See?  
  
Me: She doesn't sound so-  
  
Arwen I.B.: Are you listening? I'm SHOUTING your name and you act like your deaf! I know you hear well! Aragorn? Don't make me use the air horn!  
  
Aragorn: PLEASE! I am BEGGING you. As a friend please help me! (sound of air horn in background) Four bottles. I'll pay you back!  
  
Me: Okay then.....  
  
Aragorn: Thanks so much!  
  
(click)  
  
Poor guy. Had he known what he was getting into. Will write more when am back from getting aspirin and delivering to suffering Aragorn.  
  
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Sorry if I made Arwen sound like a b==== in this chapter. I apologize to all the Arwen fans out there reading this. Anyway, R&R!  
  
Legolas: I never gave you permission to post my journal on the internet.  
  
Way2beme: So?  
  
Legolas: Um. Well.......  
  
Way2beme: Exactly. 


	5. Poor Me!

_Legolas: I'm going to post your diary on the internet as revenge.  
_  
_Way2beme: Too late. It's already on the internet.  
  
Legolas: Nooooooo!!!  
  
Way2beme: Yes! Now can we please get on with it? !?  
  
Legolas: Fine.  
  
Way2beme: Fine.  
  
Legolas: Fine.  
  
Way2beme: Fine.  
  
Legolas: Okay! Now that we are both fine, lets just post the next chapter!  
  
Way2beme: Fine.  
  
Legolas: Don't even start that!_

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Tuesday April 14  
  
Thanks Aragorn. Thanks lots. I go over (aspirin intact) and he answers the door says "Thanks Legolas!" and is gone. No, he did not go back inside (wish he had) he left. He said "Just out for a drink." And left me. With.....**her**. I understand he was under stress, but **come on**! Me? Alone with Arwen? Better write my dying will now! Arwen **hates** me. Sure, she never says or shows it, but I know. I can tell. I figured I had better go in and.........face it.  
  
Once I came in she brightened. Did I do that? Was she actually...**happy** to see me? This is for the history books! I'm going to underline what Arwen says and italic what I say.  
  
"Legolas! How are you?" This must mean how is my love life.  
  
_"Erm, fine, just...fine."  
_  
"Really. How's your love life?" Okay. I guess the above was about my life- life. Anyway, at this point was tempted to attack her with an arrow at this point but realized that Aragorn wouldn't thank me for assassinating his wife.  
  
_"Fine. Just Fine."_  
  
"Also fine? You must be a fine person." Was this a compliment or sarcasm? Could not tell. Gah!  
  
_"I suppose."  
_  
"So tell me. Where is Aragorn?"  
  
_"Out..."_ Had to find something to tell her. Couldn't tell her 'Oh just out for a drink.' I want him to live. I (thankfully) thought of something that might just work. _"Getting you some more sherry."  
_  
"Sherry? I haven't had any Sherry. Besides, you shouldn't drink when you're pregnant." Crap! No! Uhh....  
  
_"Ugh, did I say Sherry? I meant Cherries. Sorry."_ She raised an eyebrow. I don't think she believed me.  
  
"Okay...... Well, when he gets back with the "cherries" I guess I'll have some." Oh no. She knows. She knows there are no cherries. Must call Aragorn and tell him to pick them up. When did so he was ticked!!! Yelling "Lego- LAS!! I don't have time to pick up Cherries!" But he seems to have time grab a drink. Feel as if world depends on me or something. Is unfair. Must call Frodo and ask to bring cherries over. Be right back.  
  
LATER  
  
Gah! Frodo not home. Neither Gimli, nor Sam, Pippin, Merry, Gandalf! Not even Mrs. Gimli!!!! (Note: Did not want to ask Mrs. Gimli as think she would poison them thinking they are for me. She does not like me much either. Why do no-ones wives like me? Dilemma!)  
  
Finally got a hold of Frodo. Thank God for Frodo. Am up to 3 favors now. The printer, hooking up printer, and now, the cherries. Day 1 down. Why Day 1? I have a feeling Aragorn will not be back for a while.....

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_**Hello again loyal fans!! Much love! Finally updated! Accomplishment! V. Good. R&R Please!**_


	6. Cherries and Starbucks

Way2beme: Sorry for the long wait for an update.  
Legolas: How dare you!  
Way2beme: What?  
Legolas: I think you know….  
Way2beme: no I don't.  
Legolas: Yes you do.  
Way2beme: No I don't.  
Legolas: YES!  
Way2beme: NO!  
Legolas: YES!  
Way2beme: FISH!  
Legolas: What the crap?  
Way2beme: I don't know!  
Legolas: Just post the chapter!  
Way2beme: Fine!  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Wednesday April 15 8:05AM- Aragorn is still AWOL. This is very irresponsible of him.

8:30- Frodo has arrived with cherries. 8:40- New dilemma. How can I give Arwen cherries from ARAGORN if there is no Aragorn present?

8:50- Frodo has agreed to cover for me while I hunt down Aragorn.

10:30- I finally tracked down Aragorn at a bar drinking away his sorrows with Miller Lite. I had him half way out the door before the bartender stopped me and said that, unless someone paid for the 20 bottles of Miller-20 bottles! My GOD!- Aragorn had consumed weren't paid for, we weren't going anywhere. I told him to back off (In MUCH stronger words) and threw 3 Twenties in his face. When finally home I was forced to tell Arwen Aragorn was asleep because, as unbearable as Arwen is, I couldn't bear to tell a pregnant woman that her husband, unable to bear her ranting, had gone out and consumed sixty dollars worth of liquor and had his friend pay for it (Note to self, he owes me for the Aspirin AND Miller now.) and take care of his wife while he was out because said friend is gullible. At least she enjoyed the cherries……

Thursday April 16 I was late for work again. This time the coffee cup in the microwave had it note. It read: YOUR LATE AGAIN!- Tasha, Mike, Lucas, and Jennifer Really? I am? Are you sure? I thought I was early.

Well, at least the coffee was good. Love Hazelnut!

Friday April 16 Things are looking up. I met a beautiful girl (elf) today. I should start at the beginning.  
I actually found myself an hour early this morning (what in the world?) so I went to Starbucks to get coffee for colleagues as a thank you for all the times they've done so for me when I'm late. Well, I'd just ordered the final Mocha Latte when someone reached across the counter and took it before I could. The coffee-thief was about to get away when I called "That's mine!" I was met with the most beautiful pair of brown eyes I've ever seen.

"Sorry," said the coffee-thief, handing it back. "I'll wait for the next one."

I just stared. Coffee-thief stared back. A long pause.

"Hi," I said.

"Hi," replied coffee-thief. More staring.

"Your coffee's ready," said the teenager behind the counter. I came to my senses. "Right. Coffee." I said, grabbing cardboard tray thing. I counted them mentally. 'One. Two. Three. Four. Five including the one in my hand. One extra.

"Looks like that IS mine," decided coffee-thief. She took it from me and looked expectant probably for an apology.

"Sorry," I replied. "Say, um, do you want to get together sometime?" Woah, where'd that come from?  
"Okay." Okay? Well, this is better than I expected. "We can have coffee," she said, nodding to her latte. I got the feeling she was making fun of me. Who doesn't? She stuck a card on top of Tasha's Irish Kiss and left Starbucks. The card said:

Evelyn Firestone

Interior Designer

Phone: (543) 555-6743

Fax: (543) 555-8937

And that is how I got a date for Saturday night. The only date I've had in the past two years. And the sad part? Arwen will most likely kill me with comments.

* * *

Okay guys. What did you think? I'm sorry the whole date-asking-out thing was so pitiful. I really suck at writing those things. Please let me know what I can improve on and what you'd like to see happen between Legolas and Evelyn. Okay. Ready….Set… Review! 


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